So I titled this blog post so many different things before coming up with the title that it is now. I felt in my heart that this blog post needed to be perfect and down to the title to really get my point across. So it went from loving me,a million other things, to what it’s titled to now“Maximize your singleness”.
I know from my last post “Damaged Goods” I got a little personal on there, and I’m not ashamed of that not one bit, I got so much love and feedback about it that I wanted to keep it real with y’all just a little bit more. I’m learning to be more open and honest and what better way then to use my wonderful platform. So sit back grab a pen and paper and let’s get into it.
Maximize your singleness! I know you are thinking what on earth do that even mean. I know you are thinking it! Because when I 1st heard it from Pastor Michael Todd I was like excuse me sir what do that even mean? Maximize your singleness. Are you saying be single for along time like what on earth do you mean.
Now I have been following along reading his book and watching his series so I’m up on game with what he means. And I can truly say that at the age of 31 and have been single,single since 2013 and it’s now 2020 I understand what he means and only wish I knew this sooner. But I am just glad I know what I know now. It’s not to little to late for me. And I don’t feel bad about being single.
Now from my understanding, and please don’t quote me cause I could be wrong. I am just breaking it down to you the way that I understand it. So during your time of singleness you are suppose to date yourself. You are suppose to find out things about yourself and truly breakdown and get to the bottom of things. If you have been in relationships and they haven’t worked,and you get into another relationship and it ends for the same reason as before . I hate to say YOU could be the REASON it doesn’t workout.
These men ain’t Sh*t, Ain’t no good men left out here.
I know you laughing and shaking your head and clapping and agreeing with me but sista let me tell you this statement isn’t true. There is good men out here and these men are the Sh*t! It’s just the men you decide to deal with Ain’t Sh*t. Now trust and believe I use to be the A proud member of the men ain’t shit club till I really wised up and had a conversation with my closest male friend. He asked me some questions that I felt really help me understand that I needed to make better choices when it came to the men I was allowing myself to entertain.
|| Q U E S T I O N S ||
1. Why do you feel like all men ain’t Sh*t?
2. Give me 3 examples of a man who Ain’t Sh*t.
3. What do you want out of a relationship? And are you making it clear to these men what you want from the beginning?
4. Are you entertaining these men longer then you need to because you really like them or you just don’t want to be lonely?
Now these four question I was stuck I really couldn’t give a good answer to . I had to really sit with myself and think long and hard about these questions. And it dawned on me like I really don’t even know. Lmbo like a freaking lightbulb came on and I was like I allow these men to treat me how they do because I don’t know what I want. I don’t really have a type. I like men who like me lmbo.
My last REAL!!! Relationship did a number on me and messed me up mentally that I lost who I was and I just wanted to be loved by anyone. I used sex as an escape to run away from the root of the problem and that was me. Now back to what maximizing your singleness is.
When you are single that’s your time for you, not to date or sleep around. But to truly find yourself. Take that trip you always wanted to take. Take up a new hobby or write that book or screen play or whatever it is you wanted todo.Not taking that time during your singleness to heal from the past relationship not ok. Use this time to really sit down and have the most honest and much needed conversation with yourself about what you want.
While you are on this journey to self-love and self-care you need to spend some much needed time with God. Build that relationship with him back up, talk to him let him help you,you will start to see your worth and your value. Our relationship with God is the most important relationship we will ever have. If that relationship is on rocky ground please believe all of your other relationship will be too.So why not go to the one who created relationship to help you.
Now some of the questions that I ask my self time and time again during my time which is right now! To help me maximizing my singleness I have listened below. Now I have read many and I do mean many self-care and self-love books so some of these questions I got from them . Now I also make time for God because you are suppose to spend at least 1 hour a day with him and that’s looks like this.
1. Praise and worship
2. OPEN YOUR BIBLE AND READ THE WORD.
3. Talk to God.
|| S E L F L O V E Q U E S T I O N ||
1. What are 3 things you love about yourself?
2. What are 3 things other people complement you on?
3. What does self love look like to you?
4. What does self-care look like to you?
5. How long do you tend to stay single after a relationship?
6. How is your relationship with your parents,siblings, friends, etc?
7. How do you deal with rejection?
8.what are your top 3 long term / short term goals?
9.What is stopping you from reaching your long term/ short term goals?
10.When is the last time you did something for the 1st time?
11. What makes you happy?
12. What makes you sad?
I know these questions might seem silly to you but I bet you some of these are really going to have you thinking like idk this is stupid why would I answer these questions. And when you finally put your beloved pride to the side and answer them and feel like you are taking back yourself and maximizing your singleness you can send me a message . YOU ARE WELCOME IN ADVANCE lol
And example of me Maximizing my singleness:
I wanted to go Greece for my 31st birthday. And you know when you plan a trip everyone say they down to go until it’s time to pay that deposit. So I still went on my trip BY MYSELF. Was I scared you damn right I was, for the 1st full day I didn’t leave my hotel. I was like there is a rooftop and restaurants here I’m good plus I had homework todo lol. But then when I went to bed that night I heard a voice say you didn’t spend all this money to come here and not fully enjoy your trip. So the next day I left the hotel and had a wonderful day outside of the hotel. All by myself! I saw places I saw in movies in real life and ate food I need studying to eat. And I just got to spend some well needed me time with myself. By far the best trip I have ever been on. Now I see why Julia Roberts took that trip in the movie Eat…Love…Pray!
Your singleness is the time for you to find out what you like todo what you don’t like todo. Find out what you want out of a partner and what you don’t want. It’s time for you to take back yourself and work on becoming the best you, you can be so when the time comes and you find your better half you will already know your worth and what you will allow and won’t allow.
I really want you to win in the season of your Singleness. I want you to really spend this time to become the best you,you can be. I truly believe that after you take this season to really find yourself and build that relationship with God you are going to be the best you and you are going to start really winning in life. You are no longer going to waste your time on pointless friendships and relationships. Your time will no longer be wasted. You will never have to worry about giving your all to those who don’t appreciate you. I pray that small prayer over ya life. Amen 🙏🏾
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