When they say friendship breakups hurt worse that an actual relationship breakup they wasn’t playing. I’ve only had two friendship breakup before writing this,and to be completely honest I still to this day don’t know what I did for one of friendship to end. I just know one day she sent me a text message about how she didn’t want to be friends anymore and then blocked me from EVERYTHING.
Like no conversation to talk it out or anything just a long text message about how I suck and than block. We was friends from the age of 21 to like 26 she was my right hand man my twin. We met in college and was glued to the hip. We always had the same phone and we both wear glasses so people just said we looked like.
It really hurt me when she told me she no longer wanted to be friends ,because for the life of me I really didn’t know what I did wrong. She was truly my right hand man and we use to have the time of our lives together. She had fell off with friends and became coo with them again ,so I thought this was one of her moods but here we are year later and we not friends.
I love her and wish her well to this day and hopes to one day run into her and have a conversation on why we fell apart. I truly felt like I lost a sister when we stop talking. I loved her and her family and her son so much,that when we stop talking I didn’t take the breakup very well.This was the first time I felt the pain of loosing a friend that is still very much alive and well.
It hurts to let your friend go BUT… Sometimes yo friend not yo friend
Now at the big age of 35 I am going through the growing pains of ending long term and short term friendships with people I thought I would be friends with for ever. Am I the reason to blame for these friendships coming to an end sure! Do I think I am 100% the reason absolutely not but I take full responsibility for my actions and the roll I played in the friendships coming to an end.
I have been in this space where I just been loving being by myself and not opening up or talking to my friend like I use to. I been feeling like talking this time to reflect on me and my relationship with people. Asking the questions like is this friendship bringing me peace or stress. I feel like when good things where happening for me people was pretending to clap for me but deep down inside wasn’t truly happy for me.
I started to feel like friendship has become one sided. I didn’t think some of these friendships should have ended on the note that they did but I feel like we could have been cordial. I feel like it was hard for me to open up and share how I felt in the moment because I tend to lash out. I felt like I was talking things personal when they wasn’t really personal.
I was afraid of having the deep conversation with my friends because I didn’t want to cause any confusion or drama but in the end it be drama. Moving forward I will not be afraid of saying how I feel or letting someone know when they hurt me or when I feel like my feelings are not being valued.
I feel like friend fight and they argue but I feel like we should be able to say what we mean and mean what we say in the moment and hash it out and if we can’t hash it out then we have bigger things to worry about.
I am changing and learning how to be a better friend but I can’t deal with people using how I use to be and throwing it back on me and not learning that I am not that girl i use to be. while I was writing this blog post this podcast below stood out to be and it hit the nail on the head.
Have the hard conversations, say the things you need to say.
I am so excited to read the book “The Mean Girl Manual “ since lately I have been called a few times the Regina George of my friend group when I truly feel like that’s not me. It truly hurt my feelings and it’s been so hard for me to get over that comment. I know I am a good person and can I work on being a better friend and check in yes but I don’t think I am a horrible friend.
I highly recommend my friend and to anyone to take a look at the YouTube video I posted about friendship. I have ordered the audio book for this book that the author Trinity Mitchell wrote and will give you all a full review when I am done, so be on the lookout for that blog post and review video in the weeks to come.
Thank you for tuning into this week’s blog post and look forward to chatting with you all next week on another blog post.
That’s So Nitra Blog 