Hello! My name is Kenitra but my friend call me Nitra and since you are reading this blog post we are now friends so call me Nitra. I am a 34 years old and I am a Libra the best sign in the world of course. I have been blogging for going on 4 years now and it’s truly my passion.
The month of May is Mental health awareness month and I wanted to come out and be open with you all about my mental health and the challenges I face while dealing with it as a young black women who also deals with Epilepsy. So some would like to say my mind is all jacked up and it is lol. But I make the most out of it.
I have been battling epilepsy all my life from what I have been told, but it didn’t get bad until I was 26/27 years old. I was having seizures that was going on daily for months, and went to see lots of doctors and they didn’t know what was wrong. it wasn’t until I had one at work where they was like okay we are going to admit her and she is not leaving until we figure out what’s wrong. If you don’t know what epilepsy is I have a definition of it for you below.
a neurological disorder marked by sudden recurrentepisodes of sensory disturbance, loss of consciousness, or convulsions, associated with abnormal electrical activity in the brain.
Now I have always been battling depression since like my early 20’s but it got worse when I got diagnosed with epilepsy. For some reason I just felt unloved, not pretty, and felt like an outsider. I started to lose my memory and forget things and That made people mad. They thought I was just forgetting because I didn’t care and that wasn’t the case at all.
While dealing with my epilepsy we discovered that I have bipolar disorder and it was caused by my epilepsy. I didn’t really realize I had it until I had my provider test me and they told me I did. If you don’t know what bipolar disorder is let me give you the definition.
“Bipolar disorder (formerly called manic-depressive illness or manic depression) is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels, and concentration.”
One moment I will be all happy go lucky and the next moment I can be a complete bitch. I don’t try to be it just how I am. And when I am mad or irritated oh you can see it on my face I can’t hide it. I be trying to but man it be so hard. having Epilepsy and being bipolar is hard sometimes but man when the depression kicks in it’s like a losing battle.
For the most part I am on medication to help with my depression and epilepsy and bipolar disorder. What’s crazy is my medication for my epilepsy is also the same medication for my bipolar disorder what are the odds. For the most part I am able to live a normal life. Most people with my condition cannot.
I use my platform to help spread awareness to other women of color who battle the same things that I do. I wish o had women who looked like me to talk to when I found out about all of my diagnosis. It’s nice to feel like you are not alone. I am currently looking for a therapist but baby it’s so hard I am on waiting list just to look for one. But in the mean time I talk to my mentor.
I use to think that having all off these diagnoses was a problem and a sign of weakness but it’s not. I am the way that I am for a reason and that’s okay. Sometimes I am the happiest I’ve ever been and sometimes I’m the saddest I’ve ever been I be having my days. Nevertheless I have come to terms with loving me and every part of me, which is my mind,my body, and my soul.
With me you never know what you are going to get, it’s like an open book. But I promise you ya gonna love it here regardless. Don’t let anyone make you think that you are never enough because YOU ARE ENOUGH. Don’t ever let people think your mental health don’t matter because it do. If you are struggling and you need some help I highly recommend you look into therapy. Until next time love yourself and always be 100% unapologetically you.
That’s So Nitra Blog 